Let us discuss this quote from Gwennie P.

"Life is complicated and long and I know people that I respect and admire and look up to who have had extra-marital affairs." Gwyneth adds, "It's like we're flawed — we're human beings and sometimes you make choices that other people are going to judge. That's their problem but I really think that the more I live my life the more I learn not to judge people for what they do. I think we're all trying our best but life is complicated ... If death by virus was a punishment for extra-marital affairs there would only be three dudes left in this world right now."

I have multiple girlfriends who have cheated on their partner/boyfriend/husband or dated people who are married/in a (non-open) relationship. I am patently, embarrassingly loyal when I'm in a committed relationship, so I can't really understand the inclination to cheat or be with someone who's in a relationship. I was a bit disappointed and shocked by my friends' behavior (and tried to diplomatically communicate this to them) but I didn't end our friendships - mostly because I didn't feel like the choices they made in their romantic relationships were any of my business, and none of these girls stop being an awesome, supportive friend to me when they started these questionable relationships.

However. I have a close dude friend who recently cheated on his girlfriend (and didn't tell her, stayed with her, later broke up with her) and I find myself really, really, really yucked out by it. Like, I don't know if I want to be his friend anymore. Obviously, I (unfairly) feel much more disappointed by his behavior because he did it to someone of my own gender.

Do you have friends who engage in dicey, unethical decision-making that doesn't necessarily affect your friendship? (like stealing stuff from work or cheating on a partner). Would you 'break up' with them? How do you deal with it?

I get forgiveness. What I don't get is letting a relationship fester along miserably before allowing it to die.

If you are not happy enough where you will cheat, just end it already. Or try to fix it.

Giving into those delicious guilty "Oh I shouldn't" is a thing I can understand, but not on an ongoing basis while not ending the relationship you're killing by slow torture.

It's mean. And cowardly.

And I hate the assumption that every male cheats. It's ridiculous.

And because people assume that, it's easier for men and women to excuse themselves for doing something everyone does.

To sum up: Own your decisions! Be honest with yourselves and your partners! If you can't be a partner, don't!

All of that to say, I would have a really hard time sticking by a friend who is doing the things above that make me crazy.

I guess I'm pretty judgmental.

I think that once it was over (the cheating) I'd be able to go back to being a supportive friend.

For me it depends on the situation and the reasons behind the bad decisions. I always try to be forgiving, everybody makes mistakes, and I would want my friends to forgive me if i screw up once in a while. But the reasons and the situations vary, and has something to say for how I react. I had this one female friend who repedetly cheated on her boyfriend and used to brag about her affairs. We later "broke up" as friends because of other reasons, but this was just one of the things that ticked me off about her.

Another friend I had considered cheating after she had just started a new really long-distant relasionship, and was feeling pretty unsecure. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea, she might regret it later, but that I would like her anyways (she didn't end ut doing it).

When it comes to male friends I must say I often react more negatively. When it's a guy I think I automaticly think "what if that were my boyfriend?", and get hurt on his girlfriend's behalf.

Luckily I don't think I have any friends who have cheated or, at least, that have confided in me about it.

Another case of questionable ethics with friends and boys that I CAN relate to is when one of your friends starts hooking up with another (mutual) friend's ex.. which she still has a crush on. Girlfriend A justifies it because Girlfriend B was the one who actually broke up with the Questionable Boy, but it still stands that B is pretty cut up ..and A was fully aware of what B's emotional response would be (i.e. that she wouldn't feel okay about it).

I am steering clear of the situation as much as I can, but these two are usually very close and since they're not talking to each other about this situation they both tend to talk to me instead, and both assume that I am overall 'on their side'.
A's actions with the QB shouldn't necessarily affect me and our friendship. I'm certainly not gong to 'break up' with her. I feel like I just want to ignore the whole thing since the situation is really nothing to do with me, but then doesn't my loyalty towards B demand that I should be upset/angry on her behalf? So if I do nothing I'm practically actively 'siding' with A? It's altogether odd being caught in the middle.

Anyway, I've just remembered that actually I do know a girl with whom I suppose I'm in the process of ending our friendship because, among other obnoxious behavour, she would often flirt and lead other guys on when she had a perfectly lovely boyfriend. Maybe because she annoys me in other ways as well - can be selfish, spoilt, rude etc - but all my sympathy is with the dude even though I haven't known him as long and (as far as I'm aware) she's not actually even kissed another guy. Her attitude is enough for me though, and whilst we haven't had an argument I am not pursuing our friendship in any way so I expect soon we'll have drifted nicely apart!

I had a friend who was generally a negative person and repeatedly slept with a guy who had a girlfriend. This situation was particularly bad for the following reasons:

1. My friend didn't want a relationship or even like this guy as a person.
2. The guy's girlfriend was in the hospital having surgery.
3. The guy decided to propose to his girlfriend.
4. My friend had absolutely no respect for his relationship, constantly talked badly about his girlfriend, and didn't feel guilty at all about being the "other woman"
5. My friend told me that the sex wasn't great and she didn't even orgasm.

So, I try not to judge but at this point I was like, "Ok, so for no apparent reason you're acting as the sperm dumpster for some guy you don't even like and on top of that you have absolutely no respect for women?" I completely cut her out of my life. She'd been my friend for 20 years, since kindergarten, but I couldn't stand her self-absorbed-bordering-on-sociopathic tendencies.

We were friends before we were real people. When we grew up, she decided that the person she wanted to be was mean, judgemental and pessimistic on top of being the kind of person who feels no remorse about playing with other people's lives, relationships and happiness.

I can understand patiently putting up with your friends' unethical situations, but I think we all need to figure out our own standards of behaviour and ask ourselves "Is this an unethical situation or an unethical person?" Life's too short to spend time or energy on mean people.

http://bunnysunday.wordpress.com/

I like bunnysundays post, especially this part: "We were friends before we were real people. "
That is something I am struggling with that at the moment, with a friend who I have known since I was 6 years old.
She has cheated on her boyfriends, on many different levels. So, not always physically, but emotionally stringing guys along.. letting them think they have this great connection and one day they will be more than friends. It sort of makes me question what is worse? Physically cheating or emotionally..

Its really hard to sit back and listen to her without saying something like, if I was your boyfriends friend or family, I would be really pissed off that your treating him that way.

I know I wont 'break up' with her. But I am going to try dream up a way to support her and get her to ask herself the big questions. Like, why am I doing this? Am I really happy with my boyfriend? How would I feel if he was doing that to me?

Yes!