I got married last year. I am having a lot of trouble adjusting to married life, and finding my identity of 'wife'. Did anyone else have this issue? How did you resolve it?

I should mention that my husband it totally awesome, and I love being married to him. I'm just not sure how to be a good wife, or what that even means.

I feel like a total brat, becuase my life is so blessed, but I just feel like something is missing...

Being married changes nothing but paperwork. You are a good wife by doing the same things that made you a good girlfriend.

What did you expect to change after the wedding? Address that with yourself and your husband and that 'something missing' should resolve.

I had a hard time with it, too. In fact I avoided referring to my husband as "my husband" for over a year after we got married. If I just called him by his first name, people generally could figure out his role in my life through context.

For me it got a lot better once people stopped considering us "newlyweds," which came with a lot of unsolicited advice, opinions, and assumptions about what our marriage meant to us. Everyone seems to have a slightly different definition, but they all assume it's the same as everyone else's, which does not exactly add up. It can be insanely difficult to block most of that out. Because I was always hearing about things that I wasn't doing for my husband, I constantly felt like I wasn't following the rules of "wife" and made myself pretty miserable trying to fit into the role.

Once I stopped listening to all those external voices, I calmed down a little bit about whether I was a "good wife" and started focusing more on whether we were both happy. I realized that a lot of the pressure I was feeling came from trying to live up to my relatives/friends/coworkers' expectations of me and not mine or my husband's. Now my husband and I tend to have almost daily check-ins to make sure we're taking care of each other and meeting needs. I try to be just as vocal about the things that work for me as I am about the things that don't.

But mostly I try to remember that the terms of our marriage are between the two of us and no one else. We make the rules, which means they are mostly flexible. If something's not working for you, change it. Eventually things will settle enough that you'll probably feel more comfortable calling yourself "wife" because you're the one defining the word.

I'm engaged and have been living with my fiancé for 2 years. We own our home together. I like to think it's the same as being married, but I'm sure married people would disagree hahaha.

I should preface my opinion with the disclaimer that I've always been extremely independent and I've never been the type to conform. I don't give "supposed to" the time of day.

This is probably contrary to everything married people are told, but you need to have individual lives. People seem to think that being married is about building a life "together" but once you start doing that each partner looses the traits/hobbies/interests that make them uniquely them (which are the same things that attracted you to each other in the first place.)

I like to check in with myself on a weekly basis and ask myself, "If I was single right now, would my life look the same?" and the answer should be, "Yes, minus that dude I sleep with." Basically, I want to be fulfilled as a person, happy in my career, pursuing interests I'm passionate about and maintaining important relationships, whether I'm someone's wife or not. I refuse to loose myself in the relationship. I don't want my fiancé to loose himself either.

I love my fiancé but I love myself more. That's the way it should be. I'm SO happy he's with me, I'd be VERY sad if he left, but then I'd continue living my amazing life.

This kind of advice is often given to new moms. They're always told, "put yourself first so that you are healthy enough and happy enough to be a good mom." I think it applies to wives and husbands as well.

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Ugh married life. I am there with you. I didn't exactly think everything was going to be the ending of a Disney movie, but I didn't think it would be as hard as it is to adjust too. I am married one year also, and I almost feel like a little travel and adventure is the answer. It's like I need to have something to look forward to. I am not making much sence, sorry. But I would say set some goals for your life and work towards them, and see if you feel better. Or take a trip together.

I had a really hard time with that too. My husband is totally amazing and great, but things just got hard that first year (we just barely passed our 1 year anniversary of being married and 2 years dating). Now, however, I'm having a whole new set of problems. I've been having dreams about my ex and I've been thinking about him non stop. I miss him, more for the friendship, but still, I feel guilty for missing him in any capacity. Have any of you struggled with this?